Here's
a challenge for you: how many ways can the syllable that sounds like
“SEE” be spelled in English? Can you think of an example word to
illustrate each of those spellings? Keep thinking! All will be
revealed at the end of this article. Don't cheat by looking!
Because
English speakers have been such enthusiastic borrowers from other
languages throughout our history, our spelling is notoriously
non-phonetic. It causes grief to both native speakers and
second-language learners. But its sheer quirkiness has contributed to
what we can only call a “language as parlour game” phenomenon:
English speakers love to test their linguistic mettle (or is that
“metal”, or “meddle”, or “medal”?) in games like spelling
bees, and our many homophones make the language a fertile source for
punsters.
(How
are you doing on those “SEE” spellings? Are you up to 10 yet?
There are more!)
English
is a wacky language. Lunatic, even. Consider how many ways we can
write the sound “TOE”. 
In
a sensible language, it would be written “to”. But no, not for
us. The digraph “to” is pronounced “TOE” in some words, but
when to
is
a word unto itself, it is pronounced “TOO”, not of course to be
confused with two
or
too,
dear me I am feeling faint.
 
 
pto ptomaine
tau taupe
teau plateau
teaux Saulteaux
tho Thomism
to potato
toa toad
toe toe
toh butoh
tot Pitot
tow tow
tto ditto
(12
 spellings)
 
“Twelve
 spellings,” you think, “But that's ridiculous!” (By the way,
 how are those “SEE” spellings coming along? There are more than
 twelve!)
 
Okay,
 then. Or should I say, “Oqué!” Because, for the sound in “okay”
 we have:
 
 
 
ca caber
 
 
cai caiman
 
 
cay decay
cca occasion
 
 
cei ceilidh
 
 
cha chaos
 
 
k KO
 
 
ka kaolin
 
 
kay okay
 
 
ke kea
 
 
kei keiretsu
 
 
key Keynesian
 
 
kka Akkadian
qa qadi
 
 
qué appliqué
que quesadilla
quet bouquet
(17
 spellings)
 
Seventeen??!!
 Surely there (not “their” or “they're”) can't be more for
 “SEE”! 
 
 
Think
 again!
 
And
 while you're mulling on that, let's talk about homophones some more.
 Our old confusable friends affect/effect, desert/dessert, and
 principal/principle are problems for all English speakers. But what
 are homophones for Canadians are not necessarily homophones in other
 varieties of English. 
 
 
For
 instance, khat
 (an Arabian shrub the leaves of which are chewed as a stimulant),
 cot,
 and caught
 are all pronounced the same in Canadian English but differently in
 Southern Standard British English (where, what's more, caught
 is
 a homophone of court,
 and khat
 is a homophone of cart).
 
 
 
A
 particularly interesting phenomenon occurs when a vowel precedes the
 letter “r”. For most Canadians the words harry
 and hairy
 are
 perfect homophones. Dictionaries from other countries would fail to
 warn you about this. 
 
 
It's
 not just the vowels that are a problem, though. In North America we
 tend to pronounce the letter “t” between two vowels or before a
 syllabic “l” as “d”; hence it is possible to confuse tutor
 and Tudor
 or hurtle
 and hurdle. I once was very confused by a discussion with a lawyer where he seemed to be referring to the company infringing someone else's trademark as a "traitor". "That's a bit harsh," I thought, till I realized the word he was using was "trader"!
You might think,
 “Well, really, who would ever confuse tootsie
 and Tutsi?”
 But bear in mind that in a spelling bee, a contestant is given the
 word orally out of context, so they have no way of knowing, when
 they hear the sound “TOOT see” (there, I've just given you two
 spellings of “SEE”!), whether piggies going to market or African
 peoples are meant. There are many more homophones than you probably
 suspect: we identified 1800 of them in the Canadian Oxford Dictionary.
 
To
 keep you entertained while you're still working on your “SEE”
 list, here are some other syllables in English with wildly variant
 spellings:
 
The
 choux is on the other foot:
 
 
choux choux
 paste
sciu prosciutto
 
 
shoe shoe
 
 
shoo shoo
 
 
shu Shuswap
 
 
su sensual
 
 
tu punctual
xu sexual
  
 
(8
 spellings)
 
Jai
 thee to a nunnery:
 
 
ha'i Baha'i
hai Haida
 
 
hay 
 Haydnesque
hei heinie
 
 
heigh height
 
 
hi hi
 
 
hie hie
 
 
high high
 
 
hy hyacinth
 
 
jai jai
 alai 
 
(10
 spellings, 11 if we also count chai in l'chaim)
 
Heaving
 a sci:
 
 
ci cite
 
 
cy cyan
 
 
psi psi
 
 
psy psych
 
 
sai saiga
 
 
say sayonara
 
 
sci sciatic
 
 
scy scythe
si site
 
 
sig sign
 
 
sigh sigh
ssai assai
 
 
ssi Messiah
 
 
sy prophesy
 
 
xi xi
 
 
(15
 spellings)
 
For
 a small phoe:
 
 
fae faeces
 
 
fe febrile
 
 
fea feat
 
 
fee fee
 
 
ffee coffee
ffei caffeine
ffi graffiti
ffy taffy
 
 
fi fiasco
 
 
fie fief
 
 
fil fils
 
 
fille fille
 de joie
filles filles
 du roi
fit confit
fj fjord
 
 
foe foetus
 
 
fy salsify
ghie toughie
 
 
ghy roughy
 
 
phae nymphae
phe phenol
phee biographee
phi morphine
 
 
phoe phoebe
 
 
phy philosophy
(a
 whopping 25 spellings)
 
But
 “SEE” trumps them all. This is your last chance. Exhausted all
 the possibilities you can think of? 
 
 
There
 are THIRTY-ONE different spellings of SEE” in English!
 
From
 cey to coe:
 
 
c C-section
cae Caesar
 
 
ce cede
 
 
cea cease
 
 
cee Sadducee
cei receive
 
 
cey Ceylonese
 
 
ci calcium
 
 
cie policies
coe coelom
 
 
cy icy
 
 
sce scene
 
 
sci hyoscine
 
 
se sebum
 
 
sea sea
 
 
see see
 
 
sei seize
 
 
sey curtsey
si Tutsi
 
 
sie siege
 
 
sse Tennessean
 
 
ssee lessee
ssey odyssey
ssi lassi
ssie lassie
ssy sissy
 
 
sy hypocrisy
 
 
xe tuxedo
xi taxi
xie pixie
xy boxy
I
can only conclude that all of us who have to write English,
especially those of us who make our livings in the language
industries, deserve a meddle, dammit, I mean medal for putting up
with this chaos.
If you would be interested in taking my Rollicking Story of English course in January and February, please let me know (wordlady.barber@gmail.com). It would be a weekday morning or afternoon in Toronto (let me know which days and times suit you best). 9 weeks, $280.